


All Of Them

by crowmunchies



Category: The Umbrella Academy (Comics), The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: Comics Lore, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff and Angst, Found Family, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, No Incest, Number Five | The Boy Has Issues, Number Five | The Boy Needs A Hug, Number Five | The Boy-centric, OOC, gross u guys, one direct quote from the comics, the serial killer dna
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-20
Updated: 2020-08-20
Packaged: 2021-03-06 22:41:36
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 913
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26006638
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/crowmunchies/pseuds/crowmunchies
Summary: I got around to reading the Umbrella comics, and it’s cool that Five has serial killer DNA but I’m going to use it for bad purposes.
Relationships: Number Five | The Boy & Everyone, Number Five | The Boy & Klaus Hargreeves, The Hargreeves Family
Comments: 5
Kudos: 232





	All Of Them

**Author's Note:**

> sorry the little old bastard is my comfort character <3 . apologies for any spelling/ grammatical/ punctuation errors, and constructive criticism appreciated!

Group therapy in the Hargreeves household was unorthodox to say the least. 

Everyone participated- they had an empty tissue box that Klaus had decorated with stick-on rhinestones, glitter, and sharpie, and everyone reluctantly wrote down experiences they had gone through or rough patches in their lives on little sticky notes, and put them in “the trauma box”. They picked three of the sticky notes each Wednesday evening. 

They had just talked about a time that Allison hadn’t been cast for a role she was absolutely perfect for, because she had a darker skin tone than what the director was “ looking for,” _“ Hollywood assholes,”_ and then the moment Diego had found Patch in that motel room “ _Eudora,”_ , ( which had lead to Diego crying and Klaus crying by extension ), and they were on their last horrible experience of the night. 

Five hated getting picked. 

“ _Serial killer DNA_ ,” Vanya read slowly, and then blinked and read it again. 

“Five, this is your handwriting.” 

Silence. Everyone was looking at him. Five stopped drinking his tea, and started feeling very unfortunate. 

“I don’t wanna talk about this,” He said. 

“C’mon man, it’s good for you,”

“You have to let it out,”

“Please Five?” 

Five sighed. “ Okay. How do you think an old, starving man, who’s beginning to seriously lose it - comes to be the commission's deadliest assassin?”

He was met with more silence. 

“...Some kind of special training?” Allison guessed. 

“Well sure, but it would’ve been useless on its own. Despite my efforts, my body and my mental health had deteriorated greatly by the time I surrendered to the handler,” Five spat the last words like poison, “So in order to carry out my assignments, and have an %100 success rate, I was injected with an experimental melding pot of serial killer DNA,”

“ _What.”_ Diego uttered. 

“Five, I- I don’t understand.” Vanya croaked. 

The room erupted in speech.

“Shut up!” Five yelled, “ Are you not getting this?! I'll say it in plain English: I am the perfect killer in every sense of the word because I _am_ every killer !” He shot up to stand and threw his hands wildly, “All of them, all of them! All the parts of all the serial killers in all of the world that makes them into _killers!”_

He had stunned everyone into silence again. Five fell back on his chair, breathing heavily. He pulled on his hair, hard. 

Vanya had a very strange look on her face, Diego looked like he’d just watched JFK get killed a second time, and Klaus- well, Klaus was on the verge of crying. Five didn’t want to look at any of them. 

“Don’t cry Klaus,” Five gritted his teeth, and tried not to look at his sibling who had always been most prone to displays of emotion, who still was staring at him, tattooed hands over his mouth in horror. 

“I always hated working for her. For them, and I-! It’s not as if I’m a psychopath-” Five paused. Furrowed his brow. “That _is_ strange.” He said cryptically. 

His siblings, still looking various degrees of pained, said nothing. The grandfather clock ticked in the corner. 

_Green eyes swimming with tears._

_Please Five?_

_All of them. All of them-_

“What’s strange Five?” Allison asked, bravely. Her voice wavered. 

“...Well, by all accounts, I should be a psychopath,” 

Klaus burst into tears, 

“-BUT! I am not.” 

Luther stood, “How can you prove it?” He sounded much more wary than he looked intimidating, but he loomed still. He would do what he had to do if Five became unsafe for the others to be around. 

“Sit _down.”_ Diego hissed. 

Luther hesitated. His huge fists shook. 

_Big softie._ Five would have laughed if he could. 

“I-” He looked around the room, at their faces, and then looked at his shoes. He had polished them this morning, and now they were all scuffed, “ I know I am not because of time travel. It’s the only logical explanation- my 13 year old body was never injected with that serum, and though my consciousness is still old, my brain is young, the serum is still a part- because, well, though that doesn’t completely make sense, I also-” Five swallowed, “ _Love you idiots_.” 

The grandfather clock ticked, and Five didn’t pull on his hair, because he had stopped breathing. 

Klaus was the first to scoop him up into a hug. His running eyeshadow smeared onto Five’s cheek, “I am _so so so_ glad you are our little-baby-senior-citizen,” and Five couldn’t really bring himself to care if Klaus’s makeup was on his face, or if he had just been called very degrading things, or even if Klaus pressed sloppy kisses into his hair.

Number Five had never been hugged like this before; he could literally count the hugs he’d received in his 59 years on one hand, and he had never been swept off the ground, and held like something precious and essential; something _loved._

“You scared us half to death there, old man.” Diego exhaled a shaky laugh, placing a hand on Five’s shoulder, then his other hand on Klaus’s, and then Five was stuck in a sibling-sandwich.

The rest of his siblings began to join their group hug like magnets, Vanya putting a comforting arm around him, Allison carding her fingers through his hair, and finally Luther wrapping them all up in his hold. 

So Five unclenched his jaw, and inhaled, melting into the embrace. He allowed himself to relish in the warmth.

  
  
  



End file.
